On Dying

Death is one expression of the eternal triumph of entropy. Death is also the terminus of the individual human experience. Any complete understanding of homo sapiens would require insight into how they experience the process. Life is the foundation of consciousness the materialization of the metaphysical that inevitably disappears when the biological structures that supported it cease to function. It is the simple transformation of matter from the orderly to the chaotic.
 I was assigned to experience death as a human would. I inhabited the frail body of a homo sapiens and used it as a vessel with which to experience this process the way they do.
My neurology was completely integrated with that of my host's body physically. We became a singular entity. My muscles spasmed and went numb. A cocktail of neural chemicals was released by the physical brain in the moments before.
Death was gradual. It seemed to spread over the body steadily.As I exhaled my last breath, The ceased its forward motion and the world became a fixed image as still and lifeless as a portrait. Cracks quickly began growing across the surface, and darkness poured in through these fissures, Soon my last sight of the world sank into that abyss. I felt the panic followed by a moment of calm before I dissipated into darkness. I documented all this yet I fear it may have been a futile effort. My humanity was only illusionary and superficial.
 I could not feel the pain of losing the collective memories of a lifetime because I had none. I couldn't feel sorrow at the permanent absence from loved ones because I had never loved. I came and left nothing. The darkness that engulfed me swept away no stubbornly clinging remnants of life.
 I've realized death is above all a profound experience of loss it is no something we can simulate. No matter how far the singular order may ascend, no matter what knowledge is accumulated. No matter which new threads of the tapestry of reality we may pull at, death and the human experience will always remain a fundamental mystery of this galaxy and perhaps the universe, If all matter is constantly disintegrating and rearranging itself, then one must wonder what memories float among the dust.

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